Wine Tasing 101

What? Me?

Posted by Xavier X. Ipsum on 2023 Feb 1

Wine tasting: it's the sophisticated, grown-up way to enjoy a drink and impress your friends with your knowledge of fermented grapes. But let's be real, it's also a fantastic excuse to drink wine without anyone judging you.

First, the basics: you hold the glass by the stem, swirl it around to aerate the wine, take a sniff, and then take a sip. Sounds easy enough, right? Wrong. The moment you take a sip, all of your friends are suddenly wine experts, and they're more than happy to let you know it.

"Oh, I can definitely taste the notes of oak and vanilla," says your friend who only drinks Moscato.

"I'm getting hints of black cherry and plum," says the person who only drinks boxed wine.

And then there's the person who just drinks straight from the bottle: "I taste... alcohol."

Next up: the spit bucket. This is the bucket where you're supposed to spit out the wine after you've tasted it, to avoid getting too drunk. But let's be real, if you're drinking wine, you're not spitting it out. You're just pretending to so you don't look like a lush.

Now comes the moment of truth: what to do with the rest of the wine in your glass. Do you swirl it around and pretend to be thinking deep thoughts about the bouquet and finish? Do you dump it into the spit bucket discreetly? Or do you just chug it like the wine pro you are?

And last but not least, the most important part of wine tasting: the cheese. Who knew that eating a slice of cheddar could make you feel like you're living the high life? Pairing wine with cheese is like the ultimate class act. Just make sure to avoid the red wine and blue cheese combo, unless you want to look like you've been sucking on a sock.

In conclusion, wine tasting is a great way to pretend you're a sophisticated adult, and an even better way to drink wine without being judged. And who knows, you might even learn something about wine. Or you might just drink a lot of wine. Either way, it's a win-win situation.